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NBA.com Fantasy Guru

October 19, 2005

Here's the deal: NBA.com today unveiled a comprehensive fantasy offering, which includes an "All-NBA First Team - Fantasy" Award and insight from "The Talented Mr. Roto" Matthew Berry.

NBA.com is also available in Chinese and Spanish, thereby spreading the fantasy disease of "loserdom" internationally.

Why do I call fantasy nutjobs losers?  Because I'm one of them.  I mean, look at me. 

 Ted Glanzer

I haven't had a date since the Clinton administration.  While I'm certain that they aren't entirely to blame, fantasy sports haven't helped.

Furthermore, while I do just fine in fantasy baseball (I won the championship this year all by my lonesome), I'm having a major problem with my football teams.  (Yes, I have two.  Double secret loser for me.)  Actually, I have a major problem with my partner, Joe "The Butcher" Fabiano.  Joe is a fellow member of the TMC team; he does his job exceptionally well and he is an all-around great guy.  I know this because I also grew up with him.  It is this kind of familiarity that enables me to make the following observation: Joe The Butcher has needlessly cut more people than celluloid serial killers Mike Myers, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees combined.

His claim to fame is cutting Priest Holmes in the third week of his breakout year.  Anyway, proof is in the pudding.  The Butcher and I haven't won a game all year in either league to which we belong, even though we count LaDanian Tomlinson and Peyton Manning as players on our respective teams.

Anyway, I forgot the reason why I got on this rant.  Aw forget it, I'll just crawl back in my hole and turn my brain into tapioca as I watch a "Two and a Half Men" marathon.

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Comments to NBA.com Fantasy Guru

  1. RE: NBA.com Fantasy Guru
    Joe "The Butcher" :

    Well let's clear up a few things. First of all, I dropped Holmes twice not once. Please check your facts!!! Also, you make no mention that the other 9 team owners allowed me to pick him back up each time? You also failed to mention that we won the league that year thanks to shrewd moves on my part with little or no imput from you. You were pretty much just along for the ride...