According to Slate, my alma mater, the University of Connecticut (UCONN) is the safest school in America. I guess Slate didn't know that UCONN was rated one of the best party schools by Playboy - not that I read that magazine or anything, I just heard word of mouth. UCONN has a series of dormitories nicknamed "The Jungle" for it's renowned party animals.

Also, Slate neglected to mention that UCONN is just about the slipperiest (such a word?) campus in America in the wintertime. The sidewalks become sheets of ice and even the grass becomes one massive ice-skating rink. You take your life in your own hands if you walk on campus without a good pair of hiking boots.

Spring time? The grass, indeed 80% of the entire campus, becomes a slippery mud pit caused via the students walking on the thawing snow on the grass. And even if you survive these treacherous conditions you still have to contend with blistering cold wind, as well as avoid falling in the mud and getting crushed by a 1-ton beast when attempting the UCONN tradition of cow tipping. Then you have to avoid burning embers from students igniting bonfires, tear gas from police, and riots. UCONN the safest school? Nah, but they have the nation's premiere combined men's and women's NCAA basketball tandem.