What Should be on a College Student's New Year's Resolutions List

Carrie Schmelkin : Gossip from the Hallways
Carrie Schmelkin
Web Editor, TMC

What Should be on a College Student's New Year's Resolutions List

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It's that wonderful time of year – the time in which we are supposed to put away the Hershey’s chocolate (and that flask), forgive a friend who wronged us a few months ago and figure out a way to finally get out of debt. Ah, New Years. That time of year when we reflect on the changes we need to make and how we can better ourselves in the coming year.

I know what’s going to be on my New Year’s Resolutions List this year – spend more time with Grandma, broaden my food palette (something which my co-workers will definitely support), and find time to pick up an old hobby of mine – creative writing. My how my resolutions have changed from when I was a college student and things like cook a real dinner, brave the Syracuse weather to actually go to the gym and wake up before noon made the list.

Along those lines, one has to wonder how his/her college New Year’s Resolutions list would have looked like if he/she experienced college at a time laden with technological innovations like iPads, smartphones and Siri.

So here it is: My best guess at what some college students might want to resolve to change for next year.


A College Student’s New Year’s Resolutions List:

Put Down the Smartphone.

This year, I resolve to refrain from BBMing, SMSing, iMessaging, and WhatsAPPing my roommate about where she wants to go to dinner when she is sitting two feet away from me in the same room. Instead, I will remember how exciting it was when I was I was two-years-old and first discovered the sound of my own voice and will use that voice to engage in physical conversations with my friends and families. Along those lines, I resolve to not just email my mother when I want to let her know that I am going to graduate magna cum laude but actually use my phone for what is was designed to do – make a call.


Stop Badgering Siri.

(Disclaimer: Might apply more to young men than women).

This year, I resolve to stop pestering Siri with outlandish (and oftentimes perverted) questions just to see if Siri does, in fact, have an answer for everything. She does. As I have learned through experimentation, Siri won’t’ take my lip and has an appropriate comeback for everything. Therefore, now it’s time to let Siri do what she does best – find me the nearest bar, pool hall and tanning salon.


Stop Facebook Stalking my Ex

(Disclaimer: Might apply more to young women than men).

This year, I resolve to officially stop stalking my ex via Facebook for it has officially gotten in the way of my studies, Thirsty Thursday merriment and sorority pledging. Yes I could stalk his Facebook timeline to figure out when exactly he started dating that new cheerleader, then stalk her profile to see what bars she frequents and then, naturally, show up at the bar and make her feel uncomfortable because she MSUT know who I am, but instead I am going to rise above this. And if this means deactivating my Facebook account to reduce my stalker status to Code Green, then so be it.


Actually Read a Book for Class

This year, I resolve to abandon my beloved SparkNotes and CliffNotes and actually crack open “The Great Gatsby” to see what all the hype is about with Fitzgerald, particularly since Leonardo DiCaprio is starring in a remake of the movie next year. I will realize that there must be a reason why experts refer to these books as the classics and that I ought to actually read the language instead of chapter synopses so as to be able to write a better paper or, at the very least, have a better chance at solving the “New York Times” Sunday crossword puzzle.


Say No to Drinking and Calling/Texting

This year, I resolve to not call or text anyone that shouldn’t be called or texted when I have had one Tequila shot too many. Sure I leave wonderful renditions of Lady Gaga’s “Born this Way” on answering machines and have the uncanny ability of making slurring seem intentional, but I will remember that it is not cute nor funny. I will remember that if the person is not someone I would typically call or text in my right frame of mind, then they most certainly should not be hearing from me after five games of Beer Pong. If this means having to insert my best friend’s telephone number in place of (insert person I should not call’s name) just to make sure this does not happen then this will be done.


For all you college students out there –whether this list applies to you or your best friend—here’s wishing you a happy and a safe New Year!







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