But this morning, something jarring stood out to me when I was searching Google News. The headline read “School bus monitor bullied by students” and the text of the story was painfully hard to digest.
On Tuesday, a 10-minute video hit YouTube depicting some of the most inhumane verbal treatment of an individual that I have ever seen or heard. For 10 minutes, a group of middle school students from Athena Middle School in upstate New York disparage, ridicule and torment Karen Huff Klein, a 68-year-old woman who has worked as a school bus monitor for over 20 years. And all the while, some pitiless kid sits there with his cell phone recording the whole thing.
The kids not only poke fun of Karen’s weight, appearance and socioeconomic status, but also threaten, mock and physically jab her. Some of the most horrific comments include a group of boys telling her that they will come to her house to do harm and that Karen’s children should commit suicide; they also make sure to spew off several lewd, suggestive comments. The video has quickly amassed well over 1.5 million views and, as one would surmise, viewers have been outraged by the video, as evidenced by the stream of comments.
To be honest, I hesitate even sharing his video clip, as it is truly gut-wrenching and the public should not have been privy to Karen’s pain. But on the other hand, this YouTube clip will hopefully serve as a strong wakeup call to kids and adults everywhere that animalistic behavior like this has to stop. And that’s simply what this behavior is – barbaric.
If you can make it through this clip (and to be honest I had to stop after four minutes), you will see how truly cruel kids today can be. We might be well aware of the instances of teen cyberbullying and anguish happening in the school halls and in everyday life, but what about adults who are being targeted by kids? Bullying truly knows no limitations as both the young and the old can become its victims.
At least one group out there is channeling its outrage over the YouTube clip into good as a campaign has launched called “Let’s Give Karen a Vacation.” The site asks individuals to donate money until Friday, July 20, to help Karen retire. So far the site has raised more than $174,000 and that number increases every minute. It also lists the school principal’s email address, staff emails and the school’s website. I have little doubt that the school will be inundated with emails and phone calls the next few days.
According to multiple news reports, the school has stated that extreme disciplinary action will be taken and the kids’ names have already been turned over to the authorities. The school district said its bullying team and the local police are conducting an investigation.
"We have discovered other similar videos on YouTube and are working to identify all of the students involved," the district said in a statement.
Karen told reporters at WHAM that she doesn't know if bullies can be charged, but "they should have some form of punishment." She refers to the teens as "regular, normal kids" who one on one are “OK."
"Just don't get a bunch of them together. That's when the trouble starts," she said.
As put by Karen, as the torment unfolded, she tried her best to shake it off and she did not hear everything that was said as she is hearing impaired. After watching the clip back she said that the hazing deeply hurt her.
Simply put, there is no excuse for these kids’ callous behavior. You cannot even chalk it up to their youth because this behavior is so deliberate and so planned that it could have been avoided. A lot of people are blaming the parents for raising kids who could be so cold. I agree only somewhat. At the end of the day, parents can do the best they can but even the most involved, loving parents, can see their kids take a wrong turn or succumb to peer pressure. And at age 12-13, these kids know right from wrong.
Here’s hoping the school district and police do more than just slap these kids’ wrists. I have written countless stories about bullying but this instance without a doubt rises to the top as one of the most harrowing. And here’s hoping that Karen remains strong during this and gets peace of mind soon.
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But one 89-year-old media mogul is setting out to change that.
This fall, an anti-bullying initiative will be introduced to Los Angeles, Calif. students that will allow the teens to anonymously report threats of violence to school officials through text messages. And the person to thank for this is Sumner Redstone, the chairman of Viacom Inc., which includes MTV Networks, Nickelodeon and CBS Corp. Yesterday, Redstone donated $100,000 to the Safe to Talk Fund program – money which will be used to establish a service called SchoolTipline in schools within the Los Angeles Unified School District.
SchoolTipline is a texting platform that permits students to use their cell phones to report threats of suicide and violence and the presences of guns and drugs on campus without having to identify themselves.
"You can't have a quality education without a safe environment, and that's the whole point of my contribution," Redstone said in an interview Monday. "This will allow students to report violence, bad behavior and threats of bad behavior, without being identified -- and without fear of retaliation."
With the $100,000 donation, the district will be able to train students, teachers and school officials and pay for the technology and texting time, according to Fraser Nelson, executive director of the Community Foundation of Utah, which is overseeing the Safe to Talk Fund nationwide.
According to recent statistics, the travesty of bullying is showing no signs of slowing any time soon as about 42 percent of kids have been bullied while online, with one in four being verbally attacked more than once; 77 percent of students have admitted to being the victim of one type of bullying or another; and an estimated 35 percent of kids have been threatened online. Moreover, the American Justice Department bullying statistics show that one out of every four kids will be bullied sometime throughout their adolescence. But even though bullying instances are so common, kids are reluctant to move from bystanders to anti-bullying advocates.
“There are a lot of kids who want to speak up but they are afraid that they will get hurt too," Nelson said. Text messaging is the communications tool of choice for young people, she said, adding, "It’s another way to have the dialogue" about discouraging bullying.
Any campaign that encourages students to take a stand against instances of bullying or violence is a campaign worth implementing. Over the past few years it has become painfully evident that the cycle of victimization and cyberbullying is not curtailing any time soon and, therefore, it is campaigns like these that can give kids enough courage to help curb the cycle. Administrators and parents can do all they want to stop the vicious behavior, but until students start looking out for students, we will get nowhere.
I commend Redstone for his efforts and for his keen insight in realizing that the place to start with regards to bullying is with students themselves. I encourage all celebrities to do more than just publically declare their commitment to eradicating bullying; instead, I encourage them to use their means and influence to implement specific programs that will empower kids.
]]>Ravi, the college student accused of reportedly using a Web cam to spy on his roommate and then stream footage online, has been sentenced to 30 days in jail, 300 hours of community service and counseling, and restitution in the form of a $10,000 fine.
For those who need a refresher, in 2010, the world was taken aback when 18-year-old Tyler Clementi, a freshman at Rutgers University, jumped to his death after being the victim of online bullying. It all came to a head when an intimate moment between Clementi and another male was surreptitiously taped by Ravi and streamed over the Internet. Since then, the trial of Ravi – who was convicted of bias intimidation, witness tampering, hindering arrest and numerous other charges – has charged forward at full steam.
Yesterday, many who have been following this story for years – and the family and friends closest to Clementi – took baby steps toward some semblance of closure as Ravi took his first steps into jail at around 12:30 p.m. yesterday.
According to reports, Ravi, clad in a navy blue T-shirt and brown jeans, moved silently through the crowd and declined to respond to reporters’ questions. His father, Ravi Pashmani, attorney Philip Nettl and two family friends accompanied him. After reporting to the sheriff’s office, Ravi was taken to the Middlesex County Adult Corrections Center, where he allegedly underwent routine physical and psychological examinations and a classification process to determine where he would be assigned — a minimum-, medium- or maximum-security section of the jail.
"It’s hard not to be nervous, but he took it as well and was as prepared as he can be because jail is jail," his attorney said. "He’s eager to put this behind him and move on with his life."
Nettl said Ravi was "calm and ready to accept the punishment he received from Judge (Glenn) Berman."
Sadly, as the world took steps towards healing yesterday, a new tragedy occurred in New Jersey on Wednesday – just hours before Ravi started his sentence – as three New Jersey teens were indicted in the bullying of a 15-year-old who committed suicide.
At a news conference, Morris County Prosecutor Robert Bianchi said 19-year-old Michael Conway, a Morristown High School senior, and two unnamed juveniles were facing charges resulting from the alleged robbery, assault and verbal abuse of Lennon Baldwin, a Morristown High freshman, in the weeks leading up to Baldwin's March 28 suicide.
"Nothing we do will ease the pain for the tremendous loss to the family," Bianchi said of the Baldwins, the Newark Star-Ledger reported. "When these bullying incidents surround acts that constitute assault, harassment, threats, robbery . . . we will criminally prosecute."
These tragedies are showing no signs of slowing down so I am once again putting out a call to parents, administrators, and kids everywhere to protect one another, to be kind, and to be accepting of one another. Every day needs to be a step towards breaking this harrowing suicide cycle. And no effort is ever too futile.
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For those who have not been paying close attention to the trial of Ravi, here is a brief recap. In 2010, the world stood aghast as 18-year-old Tyler Clementi, a freshman at Rutgers University, jumped to his death after being the victim of online bullying. It all came to a head when an intimate moment between Clementi and another male was surreptitiously taped by Ravi and streamed over the Internet. Since then, the trial of Ravi – who was convicted of bias intimidation, witness tampering, hindering arrest and numerous other charges – has charged forward at full steam, and much of the evidence that has been uncovered has been troubling. This past March, Ravi was found guilty of invasion of privacy and hate crimes that resulted in Tyler’s suicide.
This morning, as the 20-year-old was handed his sentence, he reportedly did not speak but let his mother do the talking for him.
"The media was ripping him apart with their misleading facts ... He was absolutely devastated and broken into pieces,” she said, referring to her son as "kind-hearted and loving," reported the Newark Star-Ledger.
Judge Glenn Berman told the court on Monday "I do not believe he hated Tyler Clementi. He had no reason to, but I do believe he acted out of colossal insensitivity."
The case has evoked a flood emotions – from the individuals who feel Ravi deserves punishment and suffering for the pain he inflicted on Tyler to the others who muse he was merely an immature teenager at the time who should not be punished so severely.
But for the Clementi family, their sentiments came across loud and clear.
According to reports, Tyler’s father, Joseph, said of Ravi: “He had no call to do what he did. Tyler never did anything to Mr. Ravi to cause him harm." Ravi's actions were the result of his seeing Tyler "as someone not deserving basic human decency and respect, because my son was different from him [and] because he was gay,” he said.
Echoed Joseph’s wife, Jane, Ravi's actions were "mean-spirited, they are evil and, most important, they are against the law." She added, "The court needs to show ... this was not right, and it was not acceptable behavior, and it will not be tolerated."
While I must acknowledge that both families are hurting at this time, and that some might feel that Ravi’s sentencing is a bit harsh, it is every bit deserved – especially as we see that instances of cyberbullying and teenage suicide are becoming more common by the day.
In fact, stats show that suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. And, for every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Every few weeks we hear of another student who either takes his/her life because of bullying or of a student who decides to finally fight back. But at what point can we curb this cycle? At what point will children finally understand that cyberbullying, and any form of victimization, is not only downright wrong, it can be illegal.
I hope that Ravi’s sentencing serves as a wakeup call to all the bullies out there that this behavior is not only highly upsetting, but illicit at times. The cycle needs to be broken at some point. Let’s hope that Ravi’s punishment is a step in the right direction.
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Earlier this month, Alex used an untraditional approach to stand up to her alleged tormentors; she handed them a libel lawsuit. So what led her down this path? Alex contends that when she moved to her Atlanta middle school, she immediately knew she was an outsider, as evidenced by the harsh glances and caustic comments. However, it wasn’t until she went to Facebook that she learned the bullying had left the school hallways and entered cyber space.
As put by Alex, a fake Facebook page had been set up under her name and personal information. On the page, her profile picture had been doctored to make her face appear fatter and the profile also implied that Alex smoked marijuana and made up a language called “Retardish.” The classmates also allegedly left comments on other schoolmates’ pages that were supposedly from Alex – comments that were lewd in nature and contained traces of racism.
“I was upset that my friends would turn on me like that,” Alex told The Associated Press. “I was crying. It was hard to go to school the next day.”
While states work to craft the appropriate verbiage for cyberbullying laws, the wake of many recent suicides that were caused by bullying as well as the rise of high profile cases like Phoebe Prince and Tyler Clementi have led parents to take action before the matter gets even more tragic. In the case of Alex that is exactly what her family did and experts predict that lawsuits like these will only become more ubiquitous as problems with bullying persist.
“A lot of prosecutors just don’t have the energy to prosecute 13-year-olds for being mean,” said Parry Aftab, an attorney and child advocate who runs stopcyberbullying.org. “Parents are all feeling very frustrated, and they just don’t know what to do.”
In Alex’s case, frustration was endless as the family learned of the phony Facebook page a year ago and contacted administrators at the school and filed a report with Cobb County Police. The police suggested that Alex contact Facebook to have the site taken down but Alex said despite requests to the social networking giant, it was not actually brought down until the lawsuit was filed.
For some, the thought of a 14-year-old suing her classmates for libel might seem a bit extreme. After all, 14-year-olds are still children at the end of the day that will make mistakes, stumble and exhibit signs of ignorance. But I would counter that unless you are the one who is the victim of cyberbullying, it is hard to imagine just how harrowing this situation can be. And who is to say that your reputation at such a precious age shouldn’t be sacrosanct.
The issue of whether you should be able to sue a minor for bullying is a tricky one. Most importantly, how does one determine at what age a bully’s actions could actually be chalked up to age and just not enough life experience or education to know better? Specifically, should a seven-year-old be punished for writing something defaming on the bathroom walls about a classmate?
On the other hand, our kids are growing up today in one of the most frightening times, in which a child’s reputation can be tarnished with the stroke of the mouse and the repercussions can be far worse than a child just crying to his/her parents. I will never know what Alex is experiencing and since I am not yet a mother I cannot imagine the fury I would feel towards a school and police department that appeared to not defend my child. So, I won’t pass judgment. Instead I will hope for better – hope that parents can continue to teach kids right from wrong and teach them just how ugly their words and actions can be.
]]>But here’s what we do know. Ravi, a former Rutgers University, was found guilty by a New Jersey jury last week of 15 counts, including invasion of privacy and bias intimidation. While he will officially be sentenced in May, he faces 10 years in prison and deportation to India.
This week, an online petition to the White House suggesting that Ravi was not given a fair trial gained momentum as many came forward contending that he received an “unfair verdict.” By Monday night the petition – which asks the Obama administration to "address the fact that media is driving Justice System's decisions" and "18 year old Rutgers student Dharun Ravi is NOT Biased” – had garnered 2,000 signatures. It must get 25,000 signatures within a month to get a White House response.
In my own world, the talking hasn’t stopped either. From family members to coworkers, my world is abuzz over this verdict. In fact, this weekend one of my family members brought up the fact that Ravi is just a child and where are we without forgiveness in this world. Where are we if we can’t accept that Ravi made a dumb decision, as a child, for a few seconds and that will now stay with him the rest of his life? But then I’ve also heard in the past few days that Ravi was a homophobe and his actions were premeditated and calculated; this was not a simple prank.
I like to think that my opinions lie somewhere in the middle. I certainly want to think that I believe in forgiveness and giving people second chances, but I don’t know if I do for Ravi. Ravi certainly knew what he was doing the nights he decided to tape Tyler having intimate moments with another man. Evidence has shown that not only did Ravi set out to tape the encounters, but he encouraged others to join in the viewing as well. Evidence has also shown that Tyler was uncomfortable enough with Ravi’s blatant display of homophobia that he asked for a room change days before committing suicide. And perhaps the most damming evidence of all is that Ravi tweeted two days before Tyler’s death “Roommate asked for the room til midnight. I went into Molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay!"
To me, this was not the act of a child, as the defense argued. I won’t go so far as to say that Tyler was a cold-blooded criminal, but for an educated, articulate young man, this was also not a simple prank in which he couldn’t tell that what he was doing wrong.
I accept that people are confused – some feel that Ravi deserves the harshest punishment ever and others believe he was treated unjustly. But, our focus is misdirected. Let us not forget about why this trial took place in the first place; a young man’s terrible actions played some part in another young man taking his own life. Let’s not forget about the real victims – Tyler and his family. And let’s make sure that we are having enough conversation of how we, as a society can do better. Do better in teaching our kids right from wrong and do better in teaching that a few careless (or calculated) seconds of their life can ruin their life forever.
]]>When I was in middle school and high school, things such as Twitter, Facebook and Myspace did not exist. Accordingly, bullying was more of a face-to-face problem and you often knew if someone was targeting you. Nowadays, children can go days or even months without knowing that they are being subjugated in cyber world and having their name run through the mud.
But for those that do know that their name is being slandered, what are they expected to do? They can sit there and read the Facebook and Twitter streams, the posts and status updates, but what can they really do to make that person stop? Confront the person who is writing about them? Go to the authorities?
When I worked at a newspaper in Connecticut, I saw firsthand how tough it is to get the authorities involved when it comes to cyberbullying. The specific incident I am thinking of is when an adult decided to create a fake Facebook account under a 17-year-old girl’s name, using the girl’s picture. The adult then took to the social networking site to post as if she was the girl (and the posts were often evocative and referenced illicit matters). That case took months to address as police couldn’t even figure out who had created the account until enlisting the help of Facebook, which naturally took a while.
The fact that anyone out there can create a social networking account under your name, pretending to be you and writing posts from you, is beyond troubling. Further, our ability to know what others think of us can be extremely upsetting.
In the case of Tyler Clementi – the Rutgers University freshman who took his own life when he learned his roommate had taped and streamed an intimate encounter he had with another man – it was clearly all too much.
According to new evidence released, in the two days before Tyler committed suicide, Tyler allegedly checked his roommate Dharun Ravi’s Twitter feed almost 40 times in the final 48 hours of his life, in which he saw the tweets about him and his partner. Some of Ravi’s most hurtful tweets included: “Turned on iChat and saw my roommate making out with a dude. Yay” and "Anyone with iChat, I dare you to video chat me between the hours of 9:30 and 12. Yes it's happening again." Just hours after that, Tyler took his own life by jumping off the George Washington Bridge.
This week, the trial continues against Ravi, who is charged with 15 offenses, including bias intimidation, a hate crime, but not with causing Tyler’s suicide, and faces up to 10 years in jail if convicted.
My message is simple: realize that with every post and tweet you write you are creating your personal brand and image. An image that at 15 might not mean much to you but at 25, when you are trying to start your career, could mean a whole hell of a lot. After all, do you want your future employers to be able to check your Internet history to find out that you spent most of your adolescent years picking on others and damaging their reputations?
And perhaps more importantly, are you realizing that in addition to hurting yourself and your image, your negative comments about others are leaving those that you target feeling helpless and fearful, with no place left to turn like Tyler.
Let’s stop hurting each other. Let’s keep our eyes on the Tyler Clementi case as a constant reminder of how social media can play a huge part in destroying two people’s lives.
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Along those lines, if a poignant, provocative documentary is produced and shown in select theaters – albeit only to a select audience – does its message truly resonate? Some think not.
Currently, more than 138,000 individuals have joined a formerly bullied high schooler’s campaign on Change.org, which contends that the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) should change the rating of the new film “Bully” from “R” to “PG-13.” According to high school student Katy Butler, a film that is not allowed to be shown to anyone younger than 17 precludes two groups that need to see the film most – high school and middle school students.
“I can’t believe the MPAA is blocking American teenagers from seeing a movie that could literally save thousands of lives,” said Katy, a junior at Greenhills High School in Michigan who launched the campaign. “I’m speaking out for all those students who suffer every day because of bullying. The MPAA needs to give Bully a PG-13 so the students being bullied, and the bullies themselves, can see this film and schools can show it as well.”
“Bully,” a film by Lee Hirsch, documents the growing epidemic of bullying. According to the film’s creators, over 13 million America kids will be bullied this year, making it the most common form of violence experienced by American youth. The documentary follows five kids and their families over the 2009-10 school year and shares their harrowing tales with viewers that are rife with ostracism, cyberbullying and, in some cases, suicide.
The film is scheduled for release in select theaters on March 30, and while the film’s distributor, The Weinstein Company, reportedly planned to screen the film in middle and high schools across America, that will now change thanks to its “R” rating. And, according to reports, the MPAA ruled by just one vote that “Bully” deserves an R-rating because of “language.”
From the recent school shooting that took place at an Ohio high school this week –where bullying might have been a motivator of the shooter – to the ongoing case against Dharun Ravi, the roommate of Tyler Clementi, a boy who committed suicide after cyberbullying, one thing is coming through loud and clear: the message to students about the golden rule is simply not strong enough.
And from the assemblies to guidance meetings to lectures to films, we still have a ways to go to cure this epidemic.
To rate “Bully” as “R” so that those who need to see the film most can’t is a travesty. The MPAA might rule that the film is inappropriate for children and should not be seen by younger audiences but one could say the same thing about bullying; it’s inappropriate for children and should not be seen but that doesn’t mean we don’t see it. Accordingly, the under 17 group is the very group that should be forced to uncomfortably watch the film. That is the group that should feel that pit in their stomachs when they see what can happen in real life – not Hollywood – when kids are tormented. And that is the group that should get pre-screen showing of the film.
Good for you, Katy. I hope your campaign gets that film brought down to a PG-13 rating, and I know I’ll be supporting your efforts.
While the gunman’s name has not yet been released, reports indicate that the student targeted a group of his peers that were sitting at a cafeteria table. Over 1,000 students were screaming up and down the hallways, according to reports, as the day started with gunfire. The suspect, who has not yet been charged, turned himself in after being chased out of the school by two teachers.
According to 15-year-old Danny Komertz who witnessed the shooting, the gunman was known as an outcast and had apparently been a target of bullying.
"I looked up and this kid was pointing a gun about 10 feet away from me to a group of four kids sitting at a table," Komertz said. He said the gunman fired two shots quickly.
The gunman ended up taking the life of Daniel Parmertor and injured three other male students and one female student. Earlier today, CBS affiliate WOIO-TV in Cleveland reported on air that a 17-year-old boy was listed in serious condition and an 18-year-old woman was in stable condition at the Cleveland Clinic's Hillcrest Hospital in suburban Cleveland.
As the aftermath of the deadly day continues to unfold, kids from Chardon High School have taken to Twitter to recount the tragedy and express their gratitude for their two teachers who played a huge role in driving the shooter out of the school, according to reports.
“Still shaking...i can't believe i just witnessed 4 people getting shot...my god,” “So much respect for @Little_Carver and Mr. Hall,” and “Doesn't surprise me coach hall put his life on the line today, always been selfless and put others lives infront of his #truehero” are just some of that statements that have been flowing over the social networking site.
As our thoughts and prayers go out to all those involved in today’s tragic day, we may find ourselves asking what went wrong and how did a kid – who has reportedly been bullied – get to the point where he felt there was nowhere else to turn but to take others’ lives. From kids taking their own lives to their peers’ lives, the cycle is continuing and it is only being fueled rapidly by the advent of the Internet and social networking sites that make it easy to bully and ostracize.
Coincidently, while all of this went on today, at the same time, a Superior Court spent today starting to determine the fate of Dharun Ravi, the roommate of Tyler Clementi who allegedly recorded an intimate moment Tyler had with another guy and streamed it across the Internet. Days later, Tyler took his life by jumping off the George Washington Bridge.
What will today show us about bullying and just how far it has gone? Will it show us that the gunman had suffered months of torment and anguish online? Will it show us that there appeared to be no rhyme or reason such a depraved act was taken against innocent children?
What it will show us – no matter what – is that children seem to be feeling more desperate than ever in today’s world – desperate for all their pain to stop. So what are we doing wrong? And how can we help? Let this be a lesson.
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Today, almost a year and a half after the day that Tyler took his own life when he found that he was at the center of Internet cyberbullying – and after months in which anti-bullying nonprofits have surged, school assemblies have charged forward at full force, and school counselors have flooded the hallways –the trial of Dharun Ravi, the 19-year-old who allegedly taped Tyler having an intimate moment with another man and made that video go viral, is commencing.
In fact, reports say that by the end of today, a jury may soon be selected in the trial of Ravi, a former Rutgers student. Today, Judge Glenn Berman called 35 potential jurors into the courtroom and asked each a series of questions about how much they know about the case, whether they were biased and how familiar they were with Rutgers University. While Ravi is not charged with Tyler’s death, he is charged with bias intimidation, invasion of privacy and other counts. The trial is expected to take three to four weeks and the prosecution is presenting 23 witnesses. The case will be broadcast on TruTV.
While I can imagine that watching this trial will be hard to stomach for many – from those that knew Tyler to those that are bullied themselves to those that feel as though they know a different side of Ravi – it is imperative for anyone who can to take a few minutes out of their day to see how one person’s actions can destroy two lives – the person he/she hurt and his/her own life. Most of us have read enough in People magazine or seen enough ABC news specials to know that what happened with Tyler was terrible. In fact, many will argue that Tyler’s untimely death perhaps showed us once and for all just how scary the Internet can be and how helpless our kids can become in the face of the Internet.
So, take a few minutes to watch the trial or read about what happens afterwards. And let Tyler’s death be a constant reminder to all of us that the perils of the Internet are in fact very real and not subsiding any time soon.
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Well, in a matter of days, whether we like it or not, we will all be forced to take that stroll. And although for some of us that walk will evoke happy memories and quite a few laughs, for others it will dredge up pain we worked for years to bury.
Facebook Founder Mark Zuckerberg announced this week that in a matter of days it will no longer be optional to have the Facebook Timeline; conversely, everyone’s profiles will be automatically converted. For those of you that do not frequent the social media site that often (or for users that simply don’t remember), the Facebook Timeline was designed to allow users to “tell your life story.” Facebook’s Timeline is a complete facelift of Facebook’s current user profile, according to company officials.
It allows users to choose a “cover photo” for their profile (or any picture they want in the background). Users can browse what milestones they achieved each year since joining Facebook, and users can read warm posts from high school buddies and college peers that bring smiles to faces.
What Zuckerberg failed to account for is that along with sweet posts will come hurtful posts (if they existed) and for those who experienced tougher high school or college experiences, they might soon be reminded of just how painful the past was. For Facebook does not discriminate against which posts to display – it simply displays every message that someone every posted to your public wall. Simply put, the kid who was bullied on Facebook and received posts daily about his/her behaviors will once again see those posts take the limelight.
Sure Facebook allows you to censor what you display on your Timeline as you can select to “hide” posts that you would rather forget. But for the child that spent so many years forgetting the cruelty that was imparted on his Facebook wall, he is now forced to revisit these moments as he desperately tries to hide these messages forever.
You can definitely argue that perhaps that child should have deleted those wall posts years ago when they actually happened (for it appears that Facebook cannot bring back on your Timeline what was already deleted). But what about the child who was so busy meeting with his guidance counselor to discuss this taunting that he forgot to delete the post? What about the child who pretended to laugh it off for so many years but now does not want to relive it? And what about the simple fact that old posts were so quickly replaced by new posts that oftentimes you didn’t have to delete anything?
The problem with the Facebook Timeline lies intrinsically in why the site was created – to give users the chance to “tell your story.” But, by making the Timeline mandatory, Facebook is deciding to tell your story – not you. And Facebook is neglecting to realize that there are some chapters in our books that we wish could remain permanently closed.
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We all know that sometimes even the most important messages go unheard if they are not delivered from the “right person.” After all, how many times do we hear about an alcoholic dad who can’t stop drinking until he hears from his five-year-old son, not wife, that his behavior is scaring his little boy? Or how about the anorexic girl whose parents beg her to see what she really looks like in the mirror but it doesn’t resonate until that girl’s lifelong ballet teacher pulls her aside one day?
So, when it comes to bullying, are kids more apt to listen to their peers who are telling them to stop or their parents and teachers? One group certainly thinks the message might come across loud and clear if it is from a teen himself.
In an effort to help the 15 million teens that are victims of cyberbullying each year – and the 19,000 of those teens that contemplate suicide –a variety of teens and adults have teamed together to form The Great American NO BULL Challenge, the only national video contest and teen video awards show that brings awareness to the issue of cyberbullying in America.
The NO BULL Challenge is asking the 25 million middle and high school students in America to turn to social media to build each other up instead of tear each other down.
“I hope that together, we’ll show America's teens how detrimental cyberbullying can be and how easy it is to join the NO BULL movement to make a difference,” Nicole Edgington, national spokesperson for the Great American NO BULL Challenge , said in a statement. “I want people to start thinking twice before they post something hurtful! I’m confident that the Great American NO BULL Challenge will inspire the hearts and minds of many, just as it has mine.”
The project, which is targeted toward kids in sixth through 12th grades, is powerful albeit simple. Teens are asked to create a two- to five-minute video that touches on cyberbullying and what can be done to stop it. Then, adolescents are asked to upload their videos to the NO BULL Challenge site and hope that their friends, community and family vote for it.
The competition kicked off on Jan. 15, and voting continues until March 14. At that time, 15 finalists will be chosen and invited to attend a star-studded event taking place on July 21, in San Francisco, Calif., called the NO BULL Teen Video Awards. At the event, kids will get to see a variety of musical performances, meet their favorite athletes and celebrities, and have their video introduced to the world. The first-place winner will win a three-episode production deal worth $10,000 and a trip for two to the Sundance Film Festival in 2013.
Only a few videos have been posted to the site so far, and I am already blown away. One teen decided to gather together a handful of self-proclaimed cyberbullies who discussed what caused them to tease others and what ultimately made them stop . Another teen posted a video displaying images of kids that took their own lives these past few years because they just couldn’t take the torment anymore.
I’ve heard about a lot of projects over the last few years, from the It Gets Better Project to the “Names Can Really Hurt Us” assembly campaign, and I have to say that the NO BULL project has such merit because it relies on kids to get through to kids. The same way a kid will listen twice when his buddy tells him to not drive drunk, a kid will also perk up when his best friend tells him that enough is enough when it comes to bullying.
While it has the power to do enormous good, my one hope is that kids realize that this is meant to be constructive and helpful and not about winning just to get a chance to meet an A-list celebrity and attend Sundance. Let’s hope the kids don’t lose sight of the fact that this campaign is about how social media can actually be used to counter cyberbullying rather than promote it. Let’s hope kids realize they have been given an incredible platform to share their stories with others and put an end to this cycle of cruelty.
]]>Fast forward six years and it appears Illinois might now have the solution to such instances. Just days into 2012, it appears that the quest to counter cyberbullying has leaped forward at full throttle, as a law in Illinois took effect this Sunday that allows administrators to discipline students who make threats online.
The law, which was passed in August, “allows administrators to discipline students who make any online threat that ‘could be reasonably interpreted as threatening to the safety and security’ of another student or staff member,” according to reports.
The Illinois government might have taken crucial and exemplary step forward in fighting the plight that has become cyberbullying, but there is a ways to go with this battle. A recent Consumer Reports survey conducted in the US in early 2011 reveals that one million children were harassed, threatened, or subjected to other forms of cyberbullying on Facebook in the past year. Moreover, the Cyberbullying Research Center reported that approximately 20 percent of students report experiencing cyberbullying in their lifetimes. Mean or hurtful comments (13.7 percent) and rumors spread (12.9 percent) online are the most common types of cyberbullying.
The tragic thing about bullying is that there appears to be no real solution. There’s no treaty that can be signed, medicine that can be administered or law that can truly be passed (as the cops are not present at parks, kids’ homes, you get the picture).
Perhaps the Illinois House Minority Leader Tom Cross, who supported the legislation, said it best when he said that bullying has always been and will continue to be a problem specifically as the Internet facilitates the behavior. “I don’t think kids are getting any meaner,” he told the “Chicago Sun-Times.” “Thirty years ago, a bully might have said something in class — now they’ll say it on the Internet.”
But what we can do is more things like the Illinois government and anti-bullying activists –pass laws that do not condone bullying, hold school assemblies designed to break down social barriers, staff our schools with more support teams. Most importantly, we need to present the image to students that bullying has become a crime – a crime that is punishable like drinking and driving and physical abuse. No step is too futile in the fight against cyberbullying.
]]>But for Jane and Joe Clementi, the parents of Tyler Clementi – the college freshman who jumped to his death after being the victim of cyberbullying – perhaps their memories are a bit more harrowing.
A few weeks ago, in honor of the fact that the holidays were Tyler’s favorite time of year, Joe and Jane spoke out for the first time about their son’s untimely death and their last moments with their son. For those that may have forgotten, Tyler was an 18-year-old freshman at Rutgers University who, after being a victim of online bullying, decided to take his own life by jumping off the George Washington Bridge. What led him to that tragic decision was when an intimate moment between Tyler and another male was allegedly recorded by Tyler’s roommate, Dharun Ravi, and streamed over the Internet. Ravi, 19, was charged with 15 offenses, including bias intimidation, a hate crime, but not with causing Tyler’s suicide.
Tyler’s mother told People magazine in a recent interview that, “not a minute goes by that I don’t think about [Tyler].”
According to a recent interview given by Jane, days before leaving for college, Tyler delineated during a 45-minute conversation a list of things that were on his mind including the fact that he was gay, that he was having doubts about whether there is a God and that he felt friendless.
While it was difficult for Jane to hear, she said that she thought it made Tyler feel better to finally get these sentiments off his chest.
"He left very comfortable and very relieved," she said in a recent interview. "I was very surprised, very much like someone had kicked me in the stomach." The conversation ended with hugs and "I love you's," according to the article, and when Jane heard him a bit later laughing at a "Seinfeld" rerun, she thought everything was OK.
Four weeks later, however, Tyler took his life after Ravi allegedly used his webcam to record Tyler’s intimate experience with another man.
After more than a year of being mostly silent (aside from handing some statements that were read from their lawyers), Tyler’s parents are finally coming forward to speak about Tyler in an effort to pay honor to his memory and to promote the foundation they are launching in Tyler’s honor, The Tyler Clementi Foundation – a not-for-profit foundation that works to prevent teen suicide and encourage anti-bully programs.
For most of you, I bet the holidays were particularly joyous – filled with laughter and adventure with loved ones. In the wake of the holidays, I am now going to ask you to take a moment to step back and think about how in the coming year you can continue to protect those you love as bullying does not just happen at the elementary school level.
Bullying and ostracism can happen at all ages and junctures of life and even though someone in your family may seem to have the world at his/her feet, it’s important to look for signs or any clues that he/she may be feeling out of place. Unfortunately, individuals in today’s world have gotten very good at masking self doubt – by purchasing the latest fashion trends to participating in “cool” past time activities. But this holiday season, and before the year ends, look after your loved ones and remember the Clementi’s story and realize that sadly these heartbreaking instances of suicide are not altogether unimaginable anymore.
I’m not saying to put away the Wii and scoff at the holiday season, but make sure you take the time to talk to the person holding your other Wii controller.
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The past few years have catalogued instances of cyberbullying, some of which have taken place on Facebook. Perhaps in an effort to rectify the problem it has unintentionally given legs to, the social networking site has announced its intentions to become a source to help prevent suicide.
Recently, Facebook announced that if you see one of your friends, or another user, post a suicidal comment or status update on his/her Facebook page, you can click a “report” button next to the posting and then answer a series of questions about whether the post was violent, harassing, hate speech or harmful behavior. In the event that harmful behavior is clicked, Facebook’s user safety team reviews the post, determines whether it is legitimate, and sends an email to the user with a phone number to a hotline and a link to start a confidential chat session.
“One of the big goals here is to get the person in distress into the right help as soon as possible,” said Fred Wolens, Facebook’s public policy manager, said in a recent article.
As part of the new system, the recipient of the suicide prevention email decides whether he/she will respond. And for those that reported the post in the first place, they will receive an email from Facebook letting them know that the social networking site has responded.
“The only people who will have a really good idea of what’s going on are your friends. So we’re encouraging them to speak up and giving them an easy and quick way to get help,” said Wolens.
I commend Facebook for taking a stand against what has quickly become one of the greatest travesties, bullying. If Facebook is where kids are then that is also the place where there needs to be intervention. Seeing a kid’s cry for help and responding to it could be just the ticket to saving someone’s life. Who is to say that when Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi posted on his Facebook account “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry” after being the victim of cruel abuse that he couldn’t have been helped.
But a system like this raises a lot of concerns. Most importantly, how easy will it be for teens to misinterpret their peers’ language, which can more often than not be hyperbolic in nature, and report a comment that was actually harmless? I can’t even count the number of times I hear teens exclaim dramatically after failing a test, “Ugh I am going to have to tell my parents about this. I would rather be dead” or when they exclaim “Going to kill myself now” after realizing that they have three tests on Monday.
In the same vein, just as easy as it is for a user to misconstrue a harmless status update, it is just as easy for an immature kid to poke fun of Facebook’s new policy and cry wolf on the site and write that he is going to kill himself, all in the hopes of seeing if he can experience (what he deems) comic intervention.
The danger in a system like this, that is being carried out on a site that is already too public and too personal, is that kids can greatly abuse this system and, in so doing, hurt kids who really do feel suicidal even more. When the popular kid in school decides to test out the system and jokingly post “Thinking of killing myself tomorrow,” it makes it a million times harder for a victim to actually get up there and say the same thing.
Facebook needs to tread carefully with this new endeavor. Once again, it might end up unintentionally doing more bad than good.
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