By David Sims
[email protected]
The news as of the first coffee this morning, and the music
is Ol’ Blue Eyes’s 1960 album Nice ‘n’
Easy, towards the end of his Golden Era:
Why can’t all press releases be this much fun?
First CoffeeSM’s as much a fan of good
advertising writing as anyone else – whoever wrote those Volkswagen magazine ads back in the ‘60s deserved the Pulitzer
Prize more than 75% of the now-forgottens who won it – and a fan of Nokia
as well, love their phones, which is why the latest news from Espoo, Finland
rates first mention.
Witness their new
product line, the “L’Amour Collection.” Instead of frustrated music critics
writing business technology articles, as is the case with First CoffeeSM,
we have frustrated fashion correspondents writing telecommunications press
releases:
“Continuing to push the boundaries of mobile phone design,
Nokia has introduced a collection of three trend-inspired mobile phones, the
Nokia 7360, Nokia 7370 and Nokia 7380. Each model in the L’Amour Collection
offers a beautiful mix of contrasts – infusing cultural and ethnic influences
with luxurious touches of the unexpected. Hints of vintage and craftsmanship
[sic], are fused with natural materials, colors and patterns, all carefully
crafted and layered with a passion for detail.”
With a strapless white tulle bodice and lovely flowing skirt.
Press releases like this are so more enjoyable than the vast swamp of sludge we
slog through to Bring The News To You!TM, keep ‘em coming, just remember
we’re talking about pretty good cell phones here, guys, and not Versace
handbags.
“For many consumers, the mobile phone has truly become an
extension of their personal style – it is a fashion statement as well as an
advanced communications device,” maintains Alastair Curtis, Vice President of
Design at Nokia’s Mobile Phones division. “Every detail of these products, from
the nature-inspired graphics to the velvet-lined pouches [!], has been
carefully considered with the style-conscious individual in mind. We are very
confident that consumers who appreciate design and attention to detail will
fall in love with the L’Amour Collection.”
That’s marketing, folks. Reminds First CoffeeSM of
the ad campaign for the Dodge Diplomat, advertised as a “Fiendishly Seductive”
car. Drive it and watch the gals come running. Whip the ol’ Nokia 7380, with
its “etched mirrored surface and discreet keyless dial” out at parties, and get
ready, as it “invites glances, even stares.” (“Hey Zach, izzat gal starin’ at
your cell phone? Over by the cashews there.” [Sheepishly] “Well, she is invited to…”)
Maybe it’ll happen, since “in the design and development of the L’Amour
Collection, Nokia’s Design team looked to materials such as amber, ceramic,
turquoise, silk and enamel for inspiration. Craft techniques, such as enameling
and etching, added a creative spark to the graphics, materials, finishes and
colors selected for each model in the collection.”
Or because, aesthetic critiques aside, leather covers and
mirrored displays “subtly masking” the “sophisticated technology” aside, these are
simply quality cell phones. The stare-inducing Nokia 7380 isn’t just “a
reflection of discerning taste” but a reflection of the perfectly
understandable basic human desire for food, shelter, clothing and a 2-megapixel
camera and intuitive voice dialing, especially as the camera has a 4x zoom, the
phone’s got enhanced voice commands and an MP3 player, so if you’ve got the
estimated retail price of about six hundred bucks you can pick one up in early
2006.
The other phones probably don’t need the frou-frou either;
the Nokia 7370 has, along with a “leather-inspired” faceplate [?] a 1.3-megapixel
camera and 3D sound effects, an 8x zoom for the camera, 2-inch QVGA color
screen (320 x 240 pixels) stereo speakers with 3D sound effects and video ring
tones. In plain black this phone’d be worth the $350 price tag.
Great job on the press release, Nokia, creativity and a good
read are rewarded in this life as well as the next. Now back to your regularly
scheduled programming.
…
Got another of those spam e-mails with the weird literary snippets
tacked on for whatever reason. Trying to sell intimate pharmaceuticals this e-mail writes “and later than the era of Aesop,
rightfully bears his name, fell down dead under his burden. Not knowing what
else to do in THE PEACOCK made complaint to Juno that, while the nightingale
last one day he broke his cords and halter, and galloped into his tore him to
pieces”
Wow. Is this a reference to Irish playwright Sean O’Casey’s
tragic comedy Juno and the Paycock,
in which Joxer needs VjAGGRA while Captain Boyle prefers the discount CjALLjS?
…
Rich Tehrani forwarded
over an interesting e-mail from the Consumer Voice
for Communications Choice. “As the nation’s televisions switch to digital technology,
Congress is getting ready to sell our public airwaves to big corporate
interests,” they warn, “and in the process prevent
cities and towns from setting up valuable community wireless Internet projects.”
Gracious.
“Two-thirds of all U.S.
households today don’t have high-speed Internet access – either because
private companies won’t offer it in their area, or because it’s just too
expensive,” they claim. Yet, as they correctly point out, high-speed
internet is a must for economic development, education and job growth.
Hundreds
of communities do, in fact, offer high-speed wireless Internet access over
public networks to connect consumers, schools, libraries and businesses. But
these wireless networks “use public airwaves that are in short supply,” the
advocacy group says.
Their
request? Tell your
Congressional representatives to preserve access to our public airwaves for
community internet projects!
It’s
true that even though the big telecom and cable companies don’t actually
provide service to all our communities, “they want to block cities and towns
from installing municipal networks,” as this e-mail warns, and in an apt
comparison, says “that’s like banning cities from building public
libraries because there are book stores in town (or worse yet, banning
public libraries even if there are no book stores in town!)”
Just
because it’s not economically profitable for the big cable companies to run
service to East Slingshot, Nebraska doesn’t mean East Slingshot has to do
without the sort of high-speed wireless access that could economically benefit
the town. If the town’s willing to spend money on such a sensible investment,
as opposed to relandscaping in front of City Hall, great. More power to them,
and if the big telecoms and cable guys don’t like it, they can go to East
Slingshot and install something themselves.
First
CoffeeSM’s usually laissez-faire
when it comes to government vs. business scraps, but when Congress doesn’t let
communities do what’s in their own best interests, that’s simply wrong. There
is no reason anybody but a corporate PR flack would trot out for why
communities can’t build their own high-speed wireless networks, and if the
telecom and cable companies don’t want to let these communities improve their
economic viability they certainly should get to do it themselves.
…
Click
here for the winner of First CoffeeSM’s Most
Repulsive Creature Alive contest. No you didn’t get to vote, the
contest was conceived of, entered and won all in a span of 2.8 seconds after the
viewing this picture, and First CoffeeSM defies anyone to find a
more worthy candidate.
If read off-site hit http://blog.tmcnet.com/telecom-crm/
for the fully-linked version. First CoffeeSM accepts no sponsored
content.
I had been trying for years to remember what kind of car it was that was advertised as "fiendishly seductive". Thanks to google.com and your site, I found out. (it was the Dodge Diplomat) I was a teen when those ads came out and I always thought that was a strange way to describe a car! It's a CAR, for crying out loud! Cars are nice, they are often beautiful, and they take us where we want to go--but "fiendishly seductive"?????? C'mon...