First Coffee for October 19, 2005

David Sims : First Coffee
David Sims
| CRM, ERP, Contact Center, Turkish Coffee and Astroichthiology:

First Coffee for October 19, 2005

By David Sims

The news as of the first coffee this morning, and the music is Ol’ Blue Eyes’s 1960 album Nice ‘n’ Easy, towards the end of his Golden Era:

Why can’t all press releases be this much fun?

First CoffeeSM’s as much a fan of good advertising writing as anyone else – whoever wrote those Volkswagen magazine ads back in the ‘60s deserved the Pulitzer Prize more than 75% of the now-forgottens who won it – and a fan of Nokia as well, love their phones, which is why the latest news from Espoo, Finland rates first mention.

Witness their new product line, the “L’Amour Collection.” Instead of frustrated music critics writing business technology articles, as is the case with First CoffeeSM, we have frustrated fashion correspondents writing telecommunications press releases:

“Continuing to push the boundaries of mobile phone design, Nokia has introduced a collection of three trend-inspired mobile phones, the Nokia 7360, Nokia 7370 and Nokia 7380. Each model in the L’Amour Collection offers a beautiful mix of contrasts – infusing cultural and ethnic influences with luxurious touches of the unexpected. Hints of vintage and craftsmanship [sic], are fused with natural materials, colors and patterns, all carefully crafted and layered with a passion for detail.”

With a strapless white tulle bodice and lovely flowing skirt. Press releases like this are so more enjoyable than the vast swamp of sludge we slog through to Bring The News To You!TM, keep ‘em coming, just remember we’re talking about pretty good cell phones here, guys, and not Versace handbags.

“For many consumers, the mobile phone has truly become an extension of their personal style – it is a fashion statement as well as an advanced communications device,” maintains Alastair Curtis, Vice President of Design at Nokia’s Mobile Phones division. “Every detail of these products, from the nature-inspired graphics to the velvet-lined pouches [!], has been carefully considered with the style-conscious individual in mind. We are very confident that consumers who appreciate design and attention to detail will fall in love with the L’Amour Collection.”

That’s marketing, folks. Reminds First CoffeeSM of the ad campaign for the Dodge Diplomat, advertised as a “Fiendishly Seductive” car. Drive it and watch the gals come running. Whip the ol’ Nokia 7380, with its “etched mirrored surface and discreet keyless dial” out at parties, and get ready, as it “invites glances, even stares.” (“Hey Zach, izzat gal starin’ at your cell phone? Over by the cashews there.” [Sheepishly] “Well, she is invited to…”)

Maybe it’ll happen, since “in the design and development of the L’Amour Collection, Nokia’s Design team looked to materials such as amber, ceramic, turquoise, silk and enamel for inspiration. Craft techniques, such as enameling and etching, added a creative spark to the graphics, materials, finishes and colors selected for each model in the collection.”

Or because, aesthetic critiques aside, leather covers and mirrored displays “subtly masking” the “sophisticated technology” aside, these are simply quality cell phones. The stare-inducing Nokia 7380 isn’t just “a reflection of discerning taste” but a reflection of the perfectly understandable basic human desire for food, shelter, clothing and a 2-megapixel camera and intuitive voice dialing, especially as the camera has a 4x zoom, the phone’s got enhanced voice commands and an MP3 player, so if you’ve got the estimated retail price of about six hundred bucks you can pick one up in early 2006.

The other phones probably don’t need the frou-frou either; the Nokia 7370 has, along with a “leather-inspired” faceplate [?] a 1.3-megapixel camera and 3D sound effects, an 8x zoom for the camera, 2-inch QVGA color screen (320 x 240 pixels) stereo speakers with 3D sound effects and video ring tones. In plain black this phone’d be worth the $350 price tag.

Great job on the press release, Nokia, creativity and a good read are rewarded in this life as well as the next. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Got another of those spam e-mails with the weird literary snippets tacked on for whatever reason. Trying to sell intimate pharmaceuticals this e-mail writes “and later than the era of Aesop, rightfully bears his name, fell down dead under his burden. Not knowing what else to do in THE PEACOCK made complaint to Juno that, while the nightingale last one day he broke his cords and halter, and galloped into his tore him to pieces”

Wow. Is this a reference to Irish playwright Sean O’Casey’s tragic comedy Juno and the Paycock, in which Joxer needs VjAGGRA  while Captain Boyle prefers the discount CjALLjS?

Rich Tehrani forwarded over an interesting e-mail from the Consumer Voice for Communications Choice. “As the nation’s televisions switch to digital technology, Congress is getting ready to sell our public airwaves to big corporate interests,” they warn, “and in the process prevent cities and towns from setting up valuable community wireless Internet projects.”

Gracious. “Two-thirds of all U.S. households today don’t have high-speed Internet access – either because private companies won’t offer it in their area, or because it’s just too expensive,” they claim. Yet, as they correctly point out, high-speed internet is a must for economic development, education and job growth.

Hundreds of communities do, in fact, offer high-speed wireless Internet access over public networks to connect consumers, schools, libraries and businesses. But these wireless networks “use public airwaves that are in short supply,” the advocacy group says.

Their request? Tell your Congressional representatives to preserve access to our public airwaves for community internet projects!

It’s true that even though the big telecom and cable companies don’t actually provide service to all our communities, “they want to block cities and towns from installing municipal networks,” as this e-mail warns, and in an apt comparison, says “that’s like banning cities from building public libraries because there are book stores in town (or worse yet, banning public libraries even if there are no book stores in town!)”

Just because it’s not economically profitable for the big cable companies to run service to East Slingshot, Nebraska doesn’t mean East Slingshot has to do without the sort of high-speed wireless access that could economically benefit the town. If the town’s willing to spend money on such a sensible investment, as opposed to relandscaping in front of City Hall, great. More power to them, and if the big telecoms and cable guys don’t like it, they can go to East Slingshot and install something themselves.

First CoffeeSM’s usually laissez-faire when it comes to government vs. business scraps, but when Congress doesn’t let communities do what’s in their own best interests, that’s simply wrong. There is no reason anybody but a corporate PR flack would trot out for why communities can’t build their own high-speed wireless networks, and if the telecom and cable companies don’t want to let these communities improve their economic viability they certainly should get to do it themselves.

Click here for the winner of First CoffeeSM’s Most Repulsive Creature Alive contest. No you didn’t get to vote, the contest was conceived of, entered and won all in a span of 2.8 seconds after the viewing this picture, and First CoffeeSM defies anyone to find a more worthy candidate.

If read off-site hit for the fully-linked version. First CoffeeSM accepts no sponsored content.

Feedback for First Coffee for October 19, 2005

1 Comment

I had been trying for years to remember what kind of car it was that was advertised as "fiendishly seductive". Thanks to and your site, I found out. (it was the Dodge Diplomat) I was a teen when those ads came out and I always thought that was a strange way to describe a car! It's a CAR, for crying out loud! Cars are nice, they are often beautiful, and they take us where we want to go--but "fiendishly seductive"?????? C'mon...

Featured Events