The news as of the first of many coffees and Diet Cokes and first French toast -- Freedom Toast, excuse me -- this morning, and of course the theme song of Radio KCRM 98.6 is Adam Carroll's "Ol' Milwaukee's Best:"
So there I am with my invitation to the T-Mobile Sidekick Party in L.A., adjusting my cummerbund and wondering if I can swing up to Carmel to drop in on James Ellroy after Ellay (some excuse about a gardener last time I was out there, fine, keep the Coronas on ice, I'll take a rain check even though it never rains in LoCal SoCal) when I get a call from someone named Brittany Brower wondering if she can jump a ride to the airport in my stretch.
Sure sure, I say, distracted, wondering if Koz is firm on that $23 mil for the Nantucket place or if I can knock him down to $22.5 and a file in a cake, what with the Turkish lira tanking ahead of the regularly-scheduled army coup we're struggling for liquidity in the face of irrational exuberance here at… Radio KCRM 98.6, "All Louis Jordan, All The Time," your one-stop shop for disjointed stream-of-semi-consciousnesses having sometimes a tangential yet meaningful and caring relationship with Customer Relationship Management.
Note to self: Check with friends at Swift to see how The Kozman's picture looks today, $21 might not be out of the ballpark like a Barry Bonds juiceball if pitched correctly.
Okay, this Sidekick 3, the Ed McMahon of tech toys, let's see, reax from propellerheads in the audience… that's right, it's Radio KCRM Open Mike Night, and instead of Jeff from Tarzana we have bboyredcel from WENG, Engadget, fun-lovin' bunch over there, okay Mr. No Girly T-White Cells what's your studied take on this piece of technology… you say you've clicked on Brittany's link above and you'd like to discuss the merits of Sidekick 3 a bit further with her? I tell you she's got great etchings too, my man, now strap on the drool cup and tell the folks who've invited you into their living rooms tonight whatcha think of the tech toy du jour…
…" is this thing on, testing one, two, three, okay, what a waste of time and money… paralyzed epileptic monkeys on who had one too many acid-laced bananas. They do nothing, and restrict the user to over-priced ringtones, over-priced games, lack of open development for software, and a complete lack of synchronization capabilities, BT networking, hi-speed internet, a capable web browser (w3c compliant) and a slew of other things now standard in similar devices that cost less money (if not a few well spent $ more)... what a complete disgrace."
Hoookay, so you probably shouldn't hold the line open for T-Mobile's invite to the panel discussion and Meet Brittany Brower Reception afterwards, not to worry, Radio KCRM'll whisper in her ear why you couldn't make it as you'll be figuring out exactly what a paralyzed epileptic monkey dropping tab actually does with a cell phone…
… We've been asked by the Radio KCRM 98.6 head office in Milwaukee to take a more positive spin on things, what with all the bad news in the world it's good to be a force for positive good! So the boys over in rewrite tell us that the good news is from our friends over at Gartner pointing out that 30 percent of IT projects succeed, or actually meet expectations! Organizations who are spending billions of dollars each year aren't completely wasting all of it because sometimes they select the right hardware, middleware, and software, as a result of adequate vendor information and evaluation processes! Such successes can be found within price-sensitive small and medium enterprises, which require accurate IT information to be collected quickly and cost-effectively during software evaluation processes! And friends, sometimes it happens!
Whew, as we scrub off the clown greasepaint and try to work our mouth out of that rictus smile let's listen to Jimmy Buffett… the soft tropical breezes and soothing calypso music, much better… margaritas, changes in latitudes, sunsets over Miami… buy at two and three-eighths and sell at five -- oh sorry, wrong Buffett… stumbling around on a beach with a bottle of rum in one hand and Brittany Brower in the other, ah, that's better, except for that ringtone… it's Brittany's Sidekick 3, can't see where she pulls it out of, can't see where she's wearing enough fabric to hide anything that big… it's bboyredcel saying "and it doesn't even make toast, how lame, what an utter insult to anybody with an I.Q. over their shoe size, who'd buy this thing anyway? Is Brittany there? Know how to work the camera feature? Okay, can you ask her to stand next to -- "
Moving right along on Radio KCRM, 98.6 on your dial, in your heart and hopefully other significant bodily organs as well, here's a Goldie Oldie Retriever, our good friends in North Carolina, SAS, who'd like to remind listeners that Sun Hung Kai Financial, one of the largest and longest established Hong Kong financial services groups, has selected SAS Customer Relationship Management (CRM) to "improve its return on investment and increase both its profitability and market share," according to company officials.
I know, that's the sort of out-of-the-box thinking that gets you one of the largest and longest established Hong Kong financial services group, that and the right kind of friends in Beijing. The Group is aiming to extend its wallet share and generate more revenue by -- get this bleeding-edge strategy, revealed publicly here on Radio KCRM for the first time anywhere -- "matching its financial products to individuals' needs."
Hey who needs books studying the business acumen of Ernest Shackleford, Coach K or SpongeBob Squarepants when you have that kind of gray matter sitting around your conference table? Radio KCRM, "All John Cage, All The Time" salutes those folks.
Rebecca Neufeld, Head of Strategy and Corporate Marketing of Sun Hung Kai Financial noted that SAS has a "proven track record of success in the financial services industry in Hong Kong and Greater China," which didn't hurt them in the selection process either.
For their part, SAS has developed a complete roadmap for Sun Hung Kai's CRM strategy, with Denny's and Holiday Inns conveniently marked along the way, from customer profiling to predicting customer behavior and implementing marketing campaigns.
The first stage will start with establishing customer centric profiles, allowing Sun Hung Kai to identify the most profitable customers -- a vital step in populating the official Christmas card mailing list, sure, but also for drawing up tactics for boosting the effectiveness of database marketing. The initial process will take about three months.
Edvan Chan, General Manager, SAS Hong Kong and South China noted that by using cleaned customer data and advanced analytic technology, "predictive marketing such as cross-selling and up-selling can be executed."
SAS's CRM product is built upon the open-standards-based SAS 9 platform, and can be readily integrated with an organization's current infrastructure.
Switching to the community service announcements now, critic Ted Fry notes that while the new Adam Sandler movie Click predictably sucks, "all it really cares about is the carefully composed tableau of Adam Sandler farting with his butt poised inches from David Hasselhoff's face." In other words, funnier and more intelligent than a Stephen Colbert routine.
And time for the Radio KCRM 98.6 Trivia Challenge, first prize tickets for two to see any good movie, which country has the lowest rate of broadband penetration, Estonia, Ireland, Slovenia, Greenland or Lithuania? Well, okay, Greenland, but who's second-worst? That's right, Ireland.
The Irish Times reports that latest figures from the Commission for Communications Regulation show that "by the end of March, there were 270,000 broadband subscribers -- around 120,000 more than there were a year earlier. But ComReg's last quarterly report also showed that broadband penetration here remains the lowest among EU countries, at 5.34 per cent."
Why? Oh, maybe the fact that while broadband products that cost 20 a month, Irish Times says, "the true cost of securing broadband from most of these providers is actually 19.99/20 plus the 24.18 a month they pay to their landline operator -- usually Eircom -- for line rental. Landline rental is higher in the Republic than in any other EU country."
Friends, earning nickels here keeps you from pulling in dollars there. Think that maybe making broadband a lot more accessible by lowering the stinkin' fees will repay itself in increased government revenue from taxes paid by successful businesses and businessmen? Let's try it and see, shall we?
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