CES 2014 Wearable Tech: Depends on What You Mean by Smart

Carolyn Schuk : VoIP Princess Blog
Carolyn Schuk
| News and views on the world of IP communications from the VoIP Princess, Carolyn Schuk.

CES 2014 Wearable Tech: Depends on What You Mean by Smart

If you can’t be handsome, you can at least be handy," Canadian comic Steve Smith used to say in the Handyman’s Corner segment of the Red Green Show, as he demonstrated making a jet-powered car from fire extinguishers or converting a toaster into a CD player. 

That principle was certainly at work at the “wearable tech” that got so much buzz at the recent CES.

The latest back-to-the-future smart watch amply demonstrates – if nothing else – that the demographic at this event is too young to remember 1982's Seiko TV wristwatch. In a similar vein, there's a whole gaggle of geek eye-wear, a la Google Glass that offers what their makers bill as even more "immersive experiences."

Forget diamonds. There's Bluetooth jewelry, like the cute little necklace that alerts you when you have email or text messages. I imagine its wearer constantly clutching her chest like a heart patient with a malfunctioning pacemaker. And then there's a sweet phone charger bracelet. The only catch? It looks like you're wearing a USB cable on your wrist. 

And they must have forgotten Maxwell Smart when the first geek footwear went all girl. The Tweeting shoe is an unmistakably feminine black stiletto, its sexy pink LED ankle strap streaming live Twitter feeds. I’m still not clear on whether the Twitter feed is outgoing or incoming, but its wearer will already be sending a message that doesn’t need technology.

Certainly, Wearable Experiments has taken Red Green’s admonition to be “handy” to heart with its NAVIGATE GPS jacket. "It is a world first that will redefine the experience of getting from A to B," promises Wearable on its website. "The technology built into the jacket is subtle and unobtrusive and most importantly for this target market, the design is appealing." Actual women who reviewed it begged to differ. 

Navigate GPS jacket .jpgThe GPS jacket’s gimmick? It connects to the navigation app on your smartphone and then – literally – nudges you in the right direction. A little vibration on the right means turn right, on the left turn left. And it delivers a special tap when you've arrived. LED lights on the sleeves direct you further. If nothing else, it gives you something to ask “Are we there yet?”

This is definitely creepy. For example, how does it signal a U-turn? A whack on the head? There's also no mention of where it gets its juice. Perhaps you charge it with your USB bracelet.

And what happens when it malfunctions? I can see the unfortunate wearer careening down the street, twitching like a meth addict, arrested for public intoxication. "Officer, it was only my jacket" is sure to be good for at least one night's stay in the local drunk tank, where those sleeve LEDs will come in handy.

This set me to thinking about the "smart" coat I’m wearing today. A tailored black twill with a slim, elegant silhouette, it’s certainly smart-looking.  But its two labels make it smart another way. They tell a story that dates the coat back to the mid-1930s closet I inherited it from.

One labels shows a National Recovery Act blue eagle, which means that the manufacturer voluntarily complied with fair labor wage and work hour standards. (Can Wearable Experiments say that of their garb?) The other is the ILGWU label. 

In the 1930s, the ILGWU – International Ladies Garment Workers Union – was one of the largest unions in the country, and a leader in union history, starting with its 1909 "Uprising of 20,000" walkout that began at the Triangle Shirtwaist factory in 1909. That was followed in 1910 by "The Great Revolt" strike of 60,000 garment workers.

Now, that's disruptive.

Although today the ILGWU is gone – after a decline that was a product both of internal shortsightedness as well as globalization – its history continues in the merged union created in 2004, UNITE HERE.

It remains to be seen how long it will take for today's global workforce to regain the clout once held by ILGWU. In the meantime, I know what kind of smart coat I want to wear. 

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