Jack Bauer's Perfect Mobile Phone for 24

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Jack Bauer's Perfect Mobile Phone for 24

Jack Bauer - 24The season of 24 kicked off last night with a 2-hour special premiere of 24 and continues tonight with yet another two hour kick-off to the 6th season of 24. I thought it would be cool to examine the perfect mobile phone to help Jack Bauer capture, torture, kill, (whatever) the terrorists.

  • Self-destruct with two destruct modes. One mode uses a small charge to simply destroy any classified CTU materials but won't harm anyone in the vicinity. The second mode uses a more powerful charge that can kill. Jack Bauer can use it as a hand-grenade or when he is undercover, he can answer the phone, press the 10s destruct delay button and then hand over the phone to the bad guy.
  • Red laser pointer. When Jack loses his gun, which he seemlingly does on a regular basis, he can simply point his mobile phone at the bad guy and shine a harmless laser pointer on the guy's chest. The guy could call Jack's bluff, but you don't want to call Jack's bluff. Trust me...
  • Enhanced GPS. Sure Jack already has GPS, as demonstrated by the Nokia phone last night. But it appeared to only give a street address and probably only 30 foot accuracy. Jack needs 1 foot GPS accuracy on his mobile phone for targetted killing considering his daughter, wife, Audrey, or some other significant other often gets kidnapped and could be in the same room as the bad guys. Thus, precise coordinates is critical.
  • Global Roaming with satellite backup. I was watching some "Season 1" re-runs and Jack's wife lost cell service when she was kidnapped by the bad guys. Plenty of other times Jack couldn't get cell service. Jack should invest in a phone that does CDMA, GSM, and satellite backup for when there are no cell towers around. Heck, add WiFI to the mix as well - he can tap into some neighbor's WiFi and make a VoIP call.
  • 1,000MP camera with 50X zoom lens. High quality needed to zoom in on the bad guys with no pixelation. The high-resolution is also necessary to upload to CTU for accurate face-print matching.
  • HDTV LCD screen. At least 1600x1200 resolution here.
  • MPEG4 video. For when Jack needs to tap into surveillance camera. The previously mentioned HDTV LCD comes into play here as well. We're talking High-definition video here.
  • Noise filtering and background noise reduction microphone & enhanced speakerphone. When Jack gets pissed and screams at the bad guys, the phone will need some acoustic algorithms to prevent audio clipping. Not to mention noise filtering of loud explosions and gunshots going on. Can't use speakerphone mode with all that loud killing going on.
  • Industrial-Grade. It goes without saying that Jack will need a mobile phone that works underwater or can be thrown at some bad guys head, knocking him/her out cold.
  • VoIP with Triple DES encryption. Jack is cool. VoIP is cool. Jack likes to use VoIP, but only if it can't be cracked. Not even by Chloe! ;)
  • 24 hour talk-time. Jack needs at least 24 hours talk-time to solve the latest terror crisis. Nothing worse than being in the mid-pursuit of the bad guys and your phone goes dead. The phone can be recharged when the season is over.
  • Plenty of Speed-dials. You could argue that Jack should simply TELL the phone what person or number to dial and the phone should do what he says. Sure, it could use speech-recognition to do that, but often times Jack needs to be covert and can't speak. So plenty of easy to remember speed-dials are needed here.
  • Super Silent (Stealth) mode. Screen goes almost completely black, though it's still visible to Jack. Sounds are completely muted. Ringer is turned off, as is vibrate, since even vibrate-mode makes noise. Arch-villains and Jack's nemesis have keen ears. Don't worry, Jack will still know when someone calls. Don't ask how, he just does.
  • Finger gestures like the iPhone. This is needed for fast zooming in and out of video and pictures. Yeah, Apple may have trademarked it, but I don't think Apple or Steve Jobs wants to mess with CTU and especially Jack. As a matter of fact, CTU has an exclusive agreement to use Cisco IP Phones at CTU headquarters. Obviously, Cisco and  CTU are "tight". I think Apple just may want to reconsider the whole Apple vs. Cisco iPhone trademark battle if they know what's good for them.
Got any others to add to the list?

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