First Coffee for 9 June 2006: Radio KCRM, EDS and MphasiS Get Married, South Africa Tourism Gets Oracle For CRM, Google, Yahoo!, Microsoft Rethink Real Net Neutrality

David Sims : First Coffee
David Sims
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First Coffee for 9 June 2006: Radio KCRM, EDS and MphasiS Get Married, South Africa Tourism Gets Oracle For CRM, Google, Yahoo!, Microsoft Rethink Real Net Neutrality

By David Sims
The news as of the first coffee – but friends, a tall iced coffee, one of the greatest inventions of modern man as it double-times the inflow of caffeine – drink it like water! Ice cubes? Smoke ‘em, dude, we use coffee cubes here and the music is the Official Theme Song of Radio KCRM, Adam Carroll’s “Ol’ Milwaukee’s Best:”

That’s right, it’s Fry In Wendy’s Healthier Oil Day, welcome to Radio KCRM, 98.6 on your digital dial, brought to you by the Democratic Party – a chicken in every pot and $90,000 in every freezer. Door-to-door delivery courtesy of the Louisiana National Guard rain or shine – nah, they don’t have anything better to do during Hurricane Katrina.

A big shout-out for good aim to the great folks in the United States military this morning, for showing Abu Musab al-Zarqawi (R.I.H.) that for sewer rats, Hibhib safe houses ain’t so safe. The air is noticeably cleaner this morning, thank you, those who serve.

We got a thirty-minute block of classic CRM here at the top of the hour, kicking off with another cross-cultural marriage: EDS has wooed a majority stake of MphasiS BFL Limited, an applications and BPO based in Bangalore.

As dowry the lovely bride tendered even more than the required 83 million shares of MphasiS, in response to the lovestruck suitor’s conditional open offer of rupees 204.5 per share ($4.50 in walking around folding green), which closed on June 5. Total consideration for the transaction that gives EDS a majority stake in MphasiS is $380 million cash, a color TV, gold necklaces for the mother-in-law and six llamas.

The wedding is expected to be completed by the end of June, subject to administrative settlement procedures and the vagaries of true love which e’er didst run acrook.

“The acquisition will not only bolster our current offshore delivery capabilities in priority growth areas, but will also allow EDS to deliver a stronger value proposition to better align with clients’ changing needs,” said Mike Jordan, EDS chairman and chief executive officer. “The acquisition also gives us access to a world-class management team, a global talent pool and marquee clients.”

Honeymoon arrangements are being handled by Brad Pitt and Angela Jolie’s travel agent, who said she’d like “some practice, just in case. So, you like African wildlife?”

Jerry Rao, father of the bride, chairman and CEO of MphasiS said: “We look forward to EDS’ majority ownership of MphasiS and the expanded opportunities EDS brings to MphasiS’ employees and clients through its global footprint. For MphasiS, this means being able to offer our clients infrastructure outsourcing services in addition to our current application services and BPO offerings. And hey, for our new family from Texas, mi casa is su casa, amigos.”

The marriage, one of the largest in the Indian IT services sector, gives EDS access to 11,000 India-based employees skilled in advanced applications development, emerging technologies, BPO/CRM services, and an applications development and business process services-focused sales channel.

“This acquisition is about leveraging MphasiS’ management knowledge and technical capabilities,” said EDS Chief Operating Officer Ron Rittenmeyer in giving the traditional Texas wedding toast and financial valuation assessment. “MphasiS will enable us to accelerate our growth in applications development and more rapidly add scale in business process and CRM services.”

The bride looked lovely in her most recent annual results for the fiscal year ended March 31, 2006, reporting annual revenue of 9.4 billion rupees (or $210 million, in Texan) and net profit of 1.5 billion rupees (what, you don’t have the math figured out yet? Sheesh, all right – $33 million, or about what A-Rod gets paid per strikeout.)

Following societal custom MphasiS will continue to live at home, operating with her current management team and company name following the wedding. Jerry Rao will continue in his current capacity as CEO of MphasiS, Jeroen Tas will continue in his current capacity as vice chairman of MphasiS while EDS appoints a majority of the MphasiS board of directors and evaluates the consolidation of its existing India operations with the MphasiS operations…

South African Tourism, the national destination marketing authority for South Africa which has been green, absolutely green… “Green! Hey there’s the angle! “Come To the Land of Green!” Sorry, I believe Ireland got it first. Henry, what’ve you got?... with envy over the splashy world press Namibia won for S. Pitt, has implemented Oracle’s e-Business Suite special edition, a suite of business applications designed specifically for companies that have 10 to 500 employees.

Exclusive Radio KCRM reports say South Africa is gunning for the next celebrity birth, with negotiations currently underway with Shinehead O’Connor, Sophia Coppola, John O’Hurley and Anna Nicole Smith. “Plus we have someone assigned to Jennifer Lopez pretty much full-time,” a source said, adding that representatives keep tabs on Warren Beatty: “Hey, you stick with your high-percentage sluggers.”

“Okay, how about this: We’ve Got Better Animals, with a fade-in over Kruger, low-altitude Cessna stuff, herds of zebras running like sixty to the wind…” Sure, and why don’t we get the close-up of the terror in their eyes at being chased by a screaming machine and the wildebeest being ripped to shreds by the lions while we’re at it?

This implementation, managed by EOH’s Oracle business unit, Navigor, has dispelled the scaleable midmarket product myth, company officials say, by meeting specific mid-market customer needs while also proving that consolidation, integration and improving overall operating efficiencies remain top IT priorities for 2006, along with landing.

According to Navigor, SAT had disparate systems that did not provide adequate control of reports and multi-currency and information systems, and “completely failed to match celebrities with current partners.” The group’s financial management information was manually consolidated, which was time consuming and subject to error and intervention.

With a head office in Sandton and nine regional offices in the US, UK, France, Germany, the Netherlands, India, Australia, Japan and Italy, SAT needed a financial system across these business units that would facilitate automated consolidation of financial information; increase operational efficiencies; provide efficient reporting structures for management information and improve month-end close processes. With added memory it also has the capability to track Charlie Sheen’s social calendar.

“Okay, let’s go low-road then: The tag line is ‘Namibia Sucks. It’s So Been There, Done That. Come To A Real Country.’ Video is shots of downtown Windhoek at four in the morning light-washed to make it look like afternoon, then cut to Kloof Street Cape Town.” Hmm, I like it…lemme see the storyboards tomorrow morning.

… And the winner of the Radio KCRM Vista Feature Strip Pool is Lauren Nordlof from Edina, who had “PC to PC synching.” Congrats, Lauren, you win dinner for two at McElhenny’s on 9th and Hennepin, where all the doughnuts have names that sound like hookers…

… Riddle: What’s the sound of one hand kicking itself in the butt? Listen to Google, Yahoo! and Microsoft spluttering up their morning coffee as Stan Beer, who never got a nickname on the high school football team, shows how only the United States Congress could manage to bollix something so simple as net neutrality: Turns out Congressman Charlie Gonzalez from North Mexico – a Democrat, yes – wants the same non-discriminatory rules the Big Three want to keep broadband network operators from using tiered pricing to apply to aforesaid Apoplectic Three content providers.

Scratching the Latin, as Beer says what Gonzalez is proposing in Congressionalese means “if the search giants and other major internet content providers want to stop the broadband network operators from charging different prices for different levels of access to their data pipes and from choosing which traffic they want to carry, then they themselves must be governed by the same rules. In other words, Google must take ads from Yahoo! and Microsoft and vice versa.”

Insert standard boilerplate “outrage” from the Nervous Three here as they grasp the fact that they might have to live under rules they themselves proposed.

… that’s it for another morning here on Radio KCRM, and remember, don’t argue with a fool or wrestle with a pig: Onlookers can’t tell the difference, you never win, you just get dirty and the pig likes it.

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